A weird occurance while Motionless

Last night during my motionlessness exercise I experienced something that I didn't experience during these exercises before. It was as if I was trying to astral project. All the sensations that I have previously experienced while try to project I felt last night. It was if my spirit was trying to vibrate out of my body. The only thing that I felt was holding it back was the intense pressure I was feeling in my third eye area. If I didn't know better, I would have believed that someone was pressing down hard on my forehead with their finger. I was in a state of complete awareness of my body so I could feel no physical tension in my forehead, or complete head for that matter, that might have been misleading me into thinking this pressure was from my third eye area. After the initial confusion I felt from the onslaught of this sensation, I just relaxed more and went with the flow. I experienced feelings of floating free from my physical body but I was always grounded by my third eye. When I started to focus exclusively on just this area I began to see I bright light even though my eyes were closed and I was in a dimly lit room.

After what seemed like a few minutes turned out to be 30 minutes when I finally opened my eyes and moved my body. I was ecstatic at the length of time I remained motionless since the prior night I only managed 11 minutes. I'm still baffled at what caused all the sensation and why my third eye felt the way it did. I will have to look further into it, especially if it occurs during tonights exercise. I wonder if it has anything to do with my chakras. I'll have to do some research since I don't know anything about them!

Getting out there

So today I've been searching for like minded occultists and seeing if I could trade links and spread myself. I like to feed my ego by actually thinking that people are reading that! I want to feed it more by actually getting people to read it by increasing my traffic. I must be honest and say that in the past I read a lot of occult sites but now I'm not going it so much. I know before it really distracted me from what I was doing in my own life. I want to establish what I am doing first before I let the distractions in. But don't let that you leaving a comment and telling me about your occult space, I'll promise I will read it... just not let it distract me!

Energy Feeding

It was in New York City on May 1st 2000 that I first became aware of there being an aura of energy surrounding people. Through reading I knew it to exist but one that date I could sense it. I remember the day very well for as soon as I became aware of this aura I immediately began to draw it towards me. I did this uncontrollably and after much experimentation I learned how to suppress it. I believed at the time, and later proved it to my satisfaction, that by drawing this energy towards me I could in drain or 'feed' off of it. During the next couple of weeks I learned that I could easily pull this energy from the people around me and if I so chose I could pull enough energy to exhaust them. Well rather enough that I assumed I had exhausted them.

I realized that I didn't need this energy, I wasn't deficient in anyway. By researching it I first thought that I was a psychic vampire. As I learned more about what a psychic vampire was the more I figured out that I wasn't that. As I just said, I don't have an energy deficiency so I didn't need the energy. But as I was now aware of the aura and how I could I could draw from it I found that it was hard not to do so. I saw others as I walked around the city doing what I was doing. I even noticed people stopping to watch me feed on the energy around me. To be quite honest, feeding on energy like this feels really good and a little euphoric. I feel the energy being drawn into my body by my neck, the right side to be precise. When I draw a lot of energy it feels like a knife of pleasure entering into the back of my skull.

I don't know what this makes me, if it makes me anything at all. I do know that when I become distracted and don't notice auras then I don't feed of them. For the last few years I had completely disregarded them and payed them no attention and so I didn't feed at all. Now that I am once again aware, I feel the energy of those around me all the time. I feel it being drawn towards me and I feel it enter my body. I do remember how I can control myself, but right now I'm only exercising that control around my family and friends.

Practicing Liber MMM

As things go, it hasn't been until today that I had a chance to begin the exercises in Liber MMM. I knew that if I didn't start soon I would be doing mis-service and so to to kick it all off I went and bought a nice journal to keep track of it all!

The first exercise is Motionlessness, so I got myself all ready by making sure my chronograph on my wrist watch worked and arranging myself in a comfortable position. I was laying on my bed with my shoes off, started the timer and stopped moving. It was a little harder than I expected. It was swallowing spit that did me in at the end! If I hadn't done that I'm guessing I could have gone longer. I lasted 5:30 minutes so I was happy with those results, especially since I was right out the gate.

I did notice that when my mind wandered it distracted me for all my discomforts but I wanted to focus on how my body was feeling so I kept the wandering to a minimum. In future exercises I will need to keep it focused so I might as well start now. Once I hit 15 minutes laying down without moving I will progress to sitting and then standing before moving on to more 'advanced' exercises. I must say that the next exercise listed is Breath Control, I might try that in conjunction with Motionlessness.

Illness

I've been fighting a head cold all week and I'm beginning to think that it is affecting my progress! This morning I was quite dismayed to find that I could not remember last nights dreams on first waking. I ran throw a dream recall exercise that I learned yesterday and I was able to recall somethings. It is a little frustrating not being able to remember. I know I was having a rich vibrant dream I just can't for the life of me remember much about it. But I'll accept the fragments I can recall. I'm going to blame the cold medicine I've been taking at night!

It dawned on me yesterday that I could be using the vibrational elements from the Gnostic Banishing Ritual to do a bit of self-healing. The day-time cold medicine was helping a little but since working through those elements I've started to feel a lot better. A combination of modern pharmaceuticals and some chaos magic will help me kick this cold!

Psionics

Looking through my old links to labeled 'Magic/Occult/Whatever' I came to rediscovered a site called PsiPog and was reintroduced to Psionics. Whatever you may know it as, Psionics is about the mind. Communicating mentally, sensing aura's/thoughts/emotions, moving things mentally, manipulation of energy all fall under this heading. A few years ago I had read the site in some detail and had practiced a lot of what I learned there. Immediately on seeing the site load on my screen I began to feel both of my palms tingle with energy, a feeling that I have previously associated with the formation of psi-balls.

I want to explore Psionics more in dept but currently I feel I have enough to concentrate on. I have however been making psi-balls all day and been playing around with them. It is a fun distraction!

Dream Recall

When I woke up this morning my first thought was to recall, and then record, my dreams. I found that even though I had just woken up I couldn't remember anything. It was an eerie sensation since I knew I was dreaming but I just couldn't recall any part or detail of those dreams. I'm racking my brain even now just trying to remember any scrap and hopefully build on that but I'm still getting nothing.

I turned to Chaos Matrix to see if they were any articles discussing Dream Recall and I have found two,'Dream Recall Exercises' and 'Skullfuck: An Exercise in Dream Recall'. It looks like I will have to work at the recall stage so I can build up to becoming lucid.

Most of the exercises that I found are to be done just as I wake up or just before I got to sleep, but there are a few that I can do during the day. Namely remembering stuff backwards and trying to do it as well as I can do it forwards. Namely counting from 100 to 1 and the alphabet backwards. I'm trying to resist cheating by writing it out!

Regardless of what I do, my notebook labelled 'Dreams' is completely empty and that is a little embarrassing.

Liber MMM

In Peter Carroll's Liber Null & Psychonaut there is a section called Liber MMM. It is touted as a pre-requisite course for entrance into the Illuminates of Thanateros, an organization that I currently don't have a desire to join. However, it is a course that I feel would be extremely beneficial to me in many aspects of my life, not just magically; and so I begin studying and practicing.

Again I find that a lot of the exercises require time and again I know that my schedule can be tight at times. It looks like to make any headway and progress in magic I will have to be more dedicated and make time to practice.

It has been awhile since I read Liber MMM so I've been re-reading it today and have noticed that a lot of the exercises are very similar with other exercises in other magical courses of study. It reaffirms the usefulness it will be in my life.

Lucid Dreaming

I've never attempted to Lucid Dream before, I've always over looked it in favor of trying to Astral Project. Since all my attempts of Astral Projecting have always met with failure, I decided to give it a shot. I found a nice instructional article on Chaos Matrix and I'm going to give it a shot.

I've started to 'reality check' every time I remember to, so about 10-15 times a day (I've started yesterday!). I've been poking my right index finger into the palm of my left hand and asking if I'm dreaming. So far I'm not! I hope someday I'll do it and the answer will be yes and that I have become conscience that I am in a dream and so would have finally become lucid.

Another thing that I should be doing, but I didn't this morning, is keep a dream journal. I'm so horrible at remembering my dreams but I should start. I don't want to forget all about being lucid when I finally become so. My morning schedule is so tight to begin with so I'm still trying to figure out when I can fit it in, maybe if I kept a notebook by the back door; the squeak of the screen door usually jars me to full awakeness.